The ABC Diet

The ABC Diet Review:

Background

Satirist Robert S. Wieder got fed up with all the gimmicky “rule of thumb” diets that were coming out, and he decided to parody them my making up his own: The ABC Diet. (Note: Robert S. Wieder’s ABC Diet is not to be confused with the so-called Ana Boot Camp Diet.)

How to Do the ABC Diet

In the ABC diet you have to eat only foods that begin with the letters A, B and C, and which appear in Wieder’s list.

A Choices

• Abalone: Even if you find any, you couldn’t afford it.

• Antelope: You’ve never seen a fat one, have you?

• Asparagus: Zero calories, because you probably hate it and won’t eat it.

• Apples: You’ve got to eat something.

B Choices

• Beluga caviar: See “Abalone,” above.

• Bouillon: It’s just flavored water.

• Bean curd: See “Asparagus,” above.

• Baguettes: C’est la vie.

C Choices

• Chard: Basically spinach without the Popeye panache.

• Celery: No calories, and you can use it to floss.

• Catsup: If Reagan could call it a vegetable, so can you.

• Carrots: They’ll go nicely with apples and baguettes.

Other Robert S. Wieder Diets

Included in the article in which the ABC Diet was detailed were a few more tongue-in-cheek diets, including:

• The 4-F Diet: Nothing fried, nothing with fat in it, no fast foods, and none of your favorite foods.

• The D-Day Diet: Nothing but whole wheat bread, bottled water and raw vegetables on any day with a “d” in it.

• The X Diet: You can only eat while eXercising, no eXtra helpings, eXpose yourself in a mirror in a bathing suit before eating, and if all else fails take EX-Lax right after eating.

The scary thing about these diets is how close they are to some real fad diets. That, and the fact that they might actually work.